I received an angry and unkind comment on my last blog post sometime overnight. It is the first time that has ever happened to me, and while I welcome questions and criticism (and I certainly don't need to be flattered constantly), I was stunned that my musings on my little blog were thought to warrant such a rebuttal. The comment was anonymous, and I'm sorry that it was because I would prefer to be able to pursue a private conversation with the person who left it for me rather than writing publicly about it.
I deleted the comment reflexively. I have dealt with a lot of unwarranted personal attacks and critical spirits over the last few years, and have developed some ingrained responses to those sorts of things -- they all involve shutting it down, shutting it down, shutting it down, and refusing to accept the harsh words into my heart where they can continue to hurt me. So because my fingers flew on the laptop to protect me before my stunned brain had fully registered what I read, the comment is gone and I can now only paraphrase it here. If who are out there, whoever left me that comment, and now angry at the injustice of your words being responded to without the actual quote -- if you still feel that way, leave me the comment again, and I will edit it in here.
The words were something like this, "Who could possibly be immature and arrogant enough to presume all that knowledge? Especially for a Christian -- where is the student of God pursuing humility and grace?"
Dear anonymous person, that was precisely my point. My 20 year old self was immature and arrogant to presume that I knew everything. I have been humbled over the last six years, and that process continues daily, and I now count myself privileged and blessed to have intimate knowledge of the strength and love of Jesus -- and very little else. It was humbling even to write that blog post and to make myself vulnerable as I did, and I hoped it might be an encouragement to others who are also experiencing being taken down a peg (or twenty!) by the realities of life. God meets me there, when I am discouraged by the fresh realization that all my "knowledge" is foolish and vain, and He reminds me of the knowledge that truly counts, which is His love filling my life.
I suppose I can now count this as another humbling experience on the journey of life. :-) And I appreciate the reminder that this is not a private journal, nor shared exclusively with those who know me well and will likely understand my heart even if my words are not as clear as I think they are.